post on DharmaOverground, 2 years after claiming MCTB 4th path and musings

I am sitting in the car waiting to collect my mother so thought I would write a little for my own amusement and out of a desire to connect with DhO a bit, as I feel not a small amount of fondness and gratitude to Daniel Ingram and DhO.
Finding MCTB 2 years ago marked the start of my spiritual journey proper, that is, the journey of awakening, aka, miserable dismantlement of oneself 
At that time I didn't know if any sort of enlightenment was real at all, hadn't met anyone who was "awake" or anyone who was pursuing enlightenment at all, I had never been to a satsang or met a spiritual teacher, didn't know any "spiritual seekers".
Since then I have had some fun on the spiritual scene rollercoaster, spent quite a lot of time on retreat, met some great people and some very enlightened teachers and learned and unlearned a lot. Met countless very misguided people too which is heartbreaking and also fine and amusing.
Life-wise, the content and direction of my life has totally fallen apart, in a good way. My circumstance were favourable (no kids, no ties, had let go ideas about career already, I am a pleasant, intelligent and hardworking type, so no worries with finding work etc) and so I have been lucky to be able to surrender nicely into the big whatever of Life.
On 4th path
I think one of the good things about this forum/MCTB is the motivation and transmission that the concept of 4th path allows. So yes, I identify with what Daniel calls 4th path. When I claimed it 2 years ago, I see now that was actually late 3rd, and 4th settled in a few months later. It is worth doing, and it is do-able quickly with good practice, good motivation, good conditions, and good surrender!
But aside from that I am now not so keen on the emphasis placed on it in this forum, and certainly I think that the way Dan presents it in MCTB is maybe not that good an idea, in the grander scheme of things. If we are doing models, I align much more with the traditional 4 path fetter model, or the 4 yogas of mahamudra.
after mctb 4th path
practice now is clearly effortless and all I can say is that the system (this bodymind) just reacts with disgust to any out-of-truth behaviour (karmic tendencies). This is any learned behaviour which was formed as a way of avoiding certain feelings, which I now 'automatically' do. The system has a taste for uprooting these things, and just won't let me have them. (I have a technical explanation of the nature of awareness and why this must be so, but it's too boring for now.)
So I can't even say that I have a goal, but I guess from my teacher who has been here, the goal is continual stripping away of all this kind of behaviour, until all action is fluid and original, and not "canned" responses.
the body and energetic system
for me, mctb 4th path meant finally being able to effortlessly rest the mind, all of it, by itself, in What Is, without it constantly splitting in two to watch itself, or doing some other deluded activity. With this, the attention started to settle by itself downwards, into the body, much more and more often. the subtle energy system of the body is having to purify and wake up. So a lot of weird effects in the body and the feeling of being in a body is changing a lot. I have a fascinating model relating to trigger points and kundalini etc about what is happening, but another time.
I believe that the body and subtle energetic system is where all the karmic tendencies (subconscious patterns) hide out. All the enlightened people who I feel have cleared out a lot of their habitual tendencies have emphasised the physical transformation of the body as the actual bulk of the journey, much more than the realisation of non-duality in the mind. One teacher I really rate for this is Igor Kufayev.
This is also another reason why this forum/pragmatic Dharma doesn't interest me much these days, it only really deals with the percecptual side, not the emotional (heart) or energy(sexual energy) system (gut/body).
Surrender and dedication (the heart of post MCTB 4th path practice)
As I see it, MCTB 4th path is the birth of true surrender, as Daniel says, it's obvious that there is no agency. You are officially totally adrift on a sea of karma with no sail, rudder or tiller. Some people, after this insight seem to quickly (a few years) wipe out all their conditioned behaviour, and others basically remain as rigid and opinionated as before.... why?
Resistance plays tricks like, say I know I have some murky karma relating to sex (who doesn't?), and everytime life offers me a chance to straighten it, the body resists it, and thoughts of the nature of "it will happen when it happens, I can't do anything" come up... it can be easy to start to very subtly believe these thoughts, and a block is created.
The offer from Life is to wipe clean your entire belief system, at the deepest subconscious level. And what is takes is just simply agreement, surrender, at each level, and Life will auto-wipe you clean. But there are various subconscious blocks & knots, which don't even manifest as thoughts or worded beliefs, just subtle behaviours which go unchecked. This is why I think it's a good idea important to connect with powerful, very enlightened people who can see these things for you. All it takes is the clear seeing, then your do-nothing will take care of the rest.
As you can't really 'do' much consciously, it seems the best tools to work with are devotion (praying to whatever to be fully erased), a teacher, pushing yourself in Life (situations, relationships, culturally) so that your stability is challenged, and somatic practice (energy work, bodywork, sexual work).

that's all for now, my mother has arrived thanks for taking the time to read this.gratitude to the community, and especially those who guided me and are still in my life now.
any questions /quibbles welcome

shri singha's pith instruction to Padmasambhava

When I, Guru Padmasambhava of Oḍḍiyāna,
Was eight years of age, my faith awakened.
I went before Guru Shri Singha,
Offered gifts and requested teachings.

The guru said, "Train you mind in the tripitaka."
Therefore, in the eastern direction of Vajrasana I studied the sutras. In the southern direction I studied the vinaya. In the western direction I studied the abhidharma. In the northern direction I studied the paramitas. Then I went before Shri Singha, offered gifts and studied the entire tripitaka.

I asked him to please accept me. The guru replied, "Son, you must first train your mind in the teachings of secret mantra [Vajrayāna]."

Thus, in the country of Oḍḍiyāna I studied the three yogas. In the country of Sahor I studied mahayoga tantra and the mind section of dzogchen. In the country of Nairanjara I studied Kilaya. In the country of Singha I studied Padma Maheshvara. In the country of Vasudhara I studied kriya. In the country of Nepal I studied Yamantaka. In the country of Merutse I studied Mamo. In Vajrasana I studied the eight heruka sadhanas. In the country of Lantsha I studied Guhyasamaja, consisting of the four sections of father tantra and mother tantra.

Having realized all phenomena to be merely dream-like, illusory, unreal and false, I went before the guru who was expounding the Dharma to a gathering of 5,500 people which included a number of kings.

When I arrived, Guru Shri Singha said, "What do you want, novice?"
I replied, "I have studied the teachings of secret mantra extensively. Now I would like to receive teachings from you."

Guru Shri Singha said, "You are a learned man who has first, studied the pitaka and second, studied the secret mantra. Now let this gathering disperse."

He then said, "You understand that all phenomena are false, but this does not help anything. This understanding, that everything is dream-like, illusory, unreal and false should be assimilated in your being. Without taking it to heart it becomes mere platitude. This does not result in enlightenment."

I said, "If that is so, then please give me a teaching on taking it to heart."

[Shri Singha demands a mandala offering and then gives a practice to do]

I practiced in this way and some experiences arose, such as no sensation of the body, no sensation of the inhalation and exhalation of breath, the feeling of being able to move unimpeded through appearances and the feeling "I cannot die." When these experiences occurred, I felt proud and related them to the guru.

The guru said, "It is extremely foolish to take pride in being touched by a master's blessings and regard that as enough. Now go to a solitary place and do not create any mental fabrications whatsoever."

I went to a solitary place and for one year tried not to create any mental fabrications whatsoever. Some experiences arose, such as feeling that "Emptiness is appearance! Appearance is emptiness! Appearance and emptiness are indivisible! There is no duality regarding buddhas and sentient beings! There will be no evil deed committed even if I were to engage in nonvirtue! There will be no benefit even if I were to engage in the ten virtues!"

Regarding these as satisfactory, I related them to the guru.
He said, "It is foolish to be satisfied with meditation experience. If you think that appearance and emptiness are indivisible, you should be detached from appearances. Are you? If you think that buddhas and sentient beings are indivisible, you should honor and serve sentient beings to the same degree as you would the buddhas. Do you do that? If you think, 'I will have no karmic ripening even if I engage in the ten nonvirtues,' you should be able to accept the ten nonvirtuous actions of others directed towards yourself - even if you yourself are killed. Can you do that? If you think, 'Even if I were to engage in the ten virtues there would be no benefit,' you should not have any sense of joy when you are benefitted by others who are practicing the ten virtues - even if your own life is saved. Do you? Now, go again to a solitary place and let your body remain like a corpse, let your voice remain like that of a mute and let your mind remain like the sky."

I then went to a solitary place and practiced in that way, whereby eight experiences arose:

An experience of clarity, utterly lucid without any inside or outside, manifesting as wakefulness and emptiness without difference, whether my eyes were open or closed.

An experience of emptiness, totally open and empty with no clinging to inside or outside and with the mind not dwelling on anything whatsoever.

An experience of bliss, which was like melting butter and became totally free and exhilarating, with no thought of having a body or mind.

A state without clinging to various sense perceptions, yet still tainted with a lack of presence of mind.

A state of wakefulness being like the sun shining in the sky.

An experience of the body being like a mist, lacking both object and substance of physical action.

A feeling of recognizing neither self nor others.

A feeling that all sentient beings must be aware of the meaning of mind-essence to the same extent as myself.

Delighted with these experiences, I related them to the guru.
He said, "There are three occasions in dzogchen: the 'occasion of spontaneous presence,' the 'occasion of inconceivability' and the 'occasion of great bliss.' Of these three, your experiences are the the 'occasion of spontaneous presence.' After having remained in freshness, the inconceivability and the great bliss will manifest. Samsara is beguiling and the mind is gullible! Do not be attached to meditation experience but expand your mind."

"How is one supposed to expand one's mind?" I asked.

The Guru Shri Singha replied, "There is no difference between buddhas and sentient beings other than their scope of mind. What is called 'mind,' 'consciousness' or 'awareness' is of one identity [are the same]. The mind of a sentient being is limited. The mind of a buddha is all-pervasive. So develop a scope of mind which is like the sky. The sky has no limit to the east, no limit to the south, no limit to the west and no limit to the north."

I then went to a solitary place and developed a scope of mind which was like space, whereby these convictions arose: a mind without any projection or dissolution of thoughts, remaining exactly as it is placed - an utterly one-pointed wakefulness and emptiness. This is precisely what is called one-pointedness.

A complete absence of clinging to substantial things - a total openness with mind not dwelling on anything whatsoever. This is precisely what is called simplicity.

A feeling of, "What else can there be? However I look it is the same! There is nothing to abandon or accomplish! This is precisely what is called one taste."

A feeling of, "What else is there to search for? This is it whether one meditates or not! There is nothing whatsoever to practice! There is no thing to be cultivated through meditation! This is precisely what is called nonmeditation."

I had the powerful experience of feeling that, "There cannot be anything beyond this! The two form kāyas originate from dharmakāya, so these manifold manifestations of sights and sounds are like a flame and it's light! There is no preceding impulse for the inhalation and exhalation of breath! Without creating anything, manifold expressions still manifest! This is unchanging like the essence of space! Not even the slightest dualistic mind is occurring! This is exactly it!"

I had these experiences of feeling vivid clarity, total purity, complete openness, all-pervasiveness - utterly encompassing, totally free and completely diffused. The experience of clarity felt like the sun rising in the sky. The experience of emptiness felt like space. The experience of bliss felt like an ocean. I had a variety of experiences which felt like the waves on the ocean or like clouds in the sky. When these occurred, I related them to the guru.

Guru Shri Singha said, "The natural condition of things is devoid of something to be experienced. So what are you experiencing? What is it that experiences? What are you so elated about? I myself do not experience anything. Have you achieved something superior to that?

Your experiences are an achievement which differs from that of the buddhas and of the three times. Fixating on having an experience should be recognized as being seduced by Mara.

All your experiences are contrived and result from fabrication. They will still come and go. They will not enable you to face difficulties. They are but a blanket of good concepts. You have not untied the knot of conceptual thinking. It is like having a latent sickness within. You might be blissful at present but it will not help. Since you have not penetrated to the core, the zombie of confusion still walks around.

If you regard meditation experience as paramount you cannot resolve the view while submerged in concepts. If you allow yourself to become fascinated by a fraction of samadhi, thinking that there is nothing higher and regard it as the perfection of samadhi, you will not cut through the activity of conceptual thinking. You will not exhaust the layers of meditation experience and the dirt of ignorance will not be purified.

For each meditation experience there is a temporary fascination. Perceiving them to be the only truth, you will become obscured. By obscuring the reality which is utterly free from attachment and transition, the instance of attachment and transition have turned these blissful results of yours into nothing but straying.

If you cling to clarity and regard it as the highest, you achieve the highest state in a realm of form. If you cling to the emptiness experience of nonthought and regard it as the highest, you achieve the highest state in the formless realm. If you cling to bliss and regard it as the highest, you will attain nothing but the highest state in the realm of desire. This will not result in attaining unexcelled enlightenment, the supreme siddhi of mahamudra."

"If this is so, how should I train?" I asked.

"Bring forth your original mind and then come back to see me!" he replied.

"Well, into what should I put effort?" I asked.

"All your effort should be put exactly into effortlessness!" he answered.

"How should I practice samadhi without effort?" I asked.

"Noble son, do not hold temporary experiences to be the highest. Do not cling to them. Do not watch objects and do not watch the mind. Do not do a lot of things and do not give rise to desires. Do not harbor needs and do not entertain despair. Leave your mind exactly as it is. Let your mind rest like the center of space," he said.

I then went to a solitary place and practiced exactly in this way. My previous experiences became nothing but layers of concepts and were completely extinguished. I realized natural mind, totally unobscured by any defects or virtues - utterly free from a basis of anything to be meditated upon or anything to cause confusion. I realized that if this natural mind were cultivated, nothing whatsoever would be produced, and if not cultivated, there would be no confusion. I realized it to be natural mind devoid of any defect, naked and vivid wakefulness. Realizing this utter openness, totally fresh, the same taste of all the phenomena of samsara and nirvana, I related this to the guru.

The guru said, "The original nature, the uncompounded dharmakāya, is exactly this pure and naked natural mind devoid of something to be cultivated or something which causes confusion. Now, do not obscure yourself with further craving! Bring the 'old craver' to the state of desirelessness!

By sustaining a state known as 'Never meditating and never apart, never separate from the nature of nonmeditation,' you will attain the supreme and common siddhis. Now, is there anything upsetting you?"

"There is nothing making me upset as I have no faults or regrets concerning my samaya," I replied.

"Are you displeased?" he asked?

"I am just a little displeased," I answered.

"If you are displeased, you have hope. If you are pleased, you have fear. If you have hope and fear, you have dualistic fixation. That will hinder the nondual wisdom of great bliss, the undefiled fruition. Without thinking this is either fault or a virtue keep to the practice of nonduality. From now on, just continue without coming back to see me!"

I then practiced in the town of Oḍḍiyāna and did not have the slightest thought of asking for teachings, of offering my experience, of virtue or nonvirtue, of good or evil. I simply went wherever I went and sat however I sat. I became just like a corpse.

Then the guru arrived and said, "Aren't you going to prostrate to me? Aren't you going to present your realization to me?"

"This is not 'not prostrating' and I do not have even a hair tip of understanding to offer you. It is now like the trace of a bird flying in the sky," I replied.

The guru said, "That realization can change, do not abandon it! Without separating from that realization go wherever you wish. Keep your conduct in accordance with the tripitaka. Keep your meditation in accordance with the secret mantra. Keep your view in accordance with dzogchen. Fulfill the aims of sentient beings like a wishfulfilling jewel. Sustain numerous worthy disciples. Although you have no desires always make offerings to the gurus, yidams and dakinis. You will become one who the eight classes of gods and demons attend like a servant." Saying this, he departed.

Thereafter, I took to heart the fact that all things are dream-like and illusory and that the mind itself is beyond birth and death. I had visions of the deities of the eight heruka sadhanas, the eight classes of gods and demons became my servants and I wandered through many Indian regions benefitting beings.

Later, when (King Trisong Deutsen was) building Samye, the eight classes of gods an demons were causing obstacles. I told them, "It is not good to make obstacles, for the king's intention is as excellent as gold!"

The gods and demons retorted, "Why don't you come here yourself, master."

I then went in person to the Land of Snow and on the way I met with the messengers (of King Trisong Deutsen who were sent to invite me).

I, Padma of Oḍḍiyāna
Followed Guru Shri Singha.
This, his final instruction,
Liberated me, Padma.
Though not liberated by the tripitaka or secret mantra,
I was liberated by this secret teaching.
May all the worthy ones also be liberated through this.
May this final and direct introduction
Of Guru Shri Singha
Meet with a worthy person who possesses former training!

This is concealed in the Lotus Crystal Cave.
I entrust it to you, Shampo [one of the native spirits of Tibet who pledged to guard his treasure teachings],
In case an unworthy person comes.
There is no instruction like this in the world.
Samaya
Seal Seal Seal
Seal of entrustment
Seal of secrecy
Ithi

Via Kyle at Dharma connection

can meditation fix my life?

A mini-rant, don't take it too seriously... A lot of times people ask me something like can meditation fix my life?

"I find my career or lifestyle awful sometimes, it seems meaningless and stressful, I dread Mondays, my relationships are boring, I wanna learn how to meditate, do you think that would help?"

What a joke!

How the fuck is sitting with your eyes shut supposed to cure the fact that you have been too spineless to build yourself a life which you actually enjoy?

I can tell you exactly what will happen if you meditate. You will start to learn to See Things As They Truly Are. You will really feel the visceral unpleasantness of the stress in your life.

"Hating your job" or "wanting to do something more creative" goes from being an idea to being a dark, venomous, writhing creature that lives right in your gut, like goddamn ALIENS movie.

Then you will become truly sickened at how feeble you have been and how you are causing yourself all this misery. If you get even better at meditation, you may, if lucky, see how your patheticness rubs off on those around you, transmitting your hopelessness to them whilst you pretend to love them. This is your meditation working very well.

Then at this point you will either Do Something Drastic, or stop meditating.

Meditation cannot fix your life. Its purpose is to make you miserable enough so you break through your barrier of cowardice and fix your own fucking life in the way it obviously needs to be fixed.

And I am not just talking about people stuck in 'careers' here. If you live in a dark cupboard in Dalston with 6 totally narcissistic coked-up arseholes, wasting your time on cynical, disposable "art projects" and you wonder why you have only 2 modes: over-stimulated, or depressed... well! Same goes to those invested in spiritual practice hoping that meditation is going to get them somewhere! Give up!

So I can save you some time here. Just sort your life out. It's much easier then learning to sit still for ages.

PS I teach meditation for £500/hour, it's amazing.

the path of least resistance

the spiritual path is by definition the path of least resistance, non-doing, effortlessness, etc etc.... and it is not hard.

It requires a bit of dedication but it is absolutely NOT "hard work". Working long hours in a job which we hate is hard work.

Spiritual development is the opposite, it is full of things which SEEM hard or scary, but are actually easy. 

Like telling someone we don't want to see them, or like stepping on stage - seems hard, difficult, but then it's actually very easy, and frees us.

If it seems like the path is a constant struggle - like hard work, fighting an uphill battle to get somewhere... then we have got things twisted... this is not the "spiritual bit".

If we feel our surrender as an ongoing exchange of painful effort for freedom, then this a sign that we are confusing surrender with resistance.

We are so conditioned to do the hard painful familiar thing rather than the easy scary thing and it is this whole way of being that needs to be surrendered... this SEEMS hard and scary :)

liberation through non-existence

the door of liberation through non-existence

meaninglessness, depression, de-constructing everything

the reason why existentialist philosophers, robin williams, van gogh, are so miserable

the abyss as you call it is that part of you which knows itself as complete void, non-existence.

it is vast nothingness, stillness, emptiness. Creative people know this space well - it is the vacuum of meaninglessness which sucks the life from old ideas, and the blankness in which new ones can form.

it is the space between all the gaps in your mental and perceptual functioning that normally goes unnoticed as the mind hops from one thing to another. and like the 99.999999% of what we think of matter is actually space between atoms, so it is with you/existence. mentally, perceptually. you, your identity, your mental functioning seems solid but it's just tiny isolated mental/perceptual events, happening in vast empty space.

space is also the element of detachment. when you connect to the vastness it can feel overwhelmingly non-personal - and it is - but don't mistake this non-personalness for misery.

it is exactly because the space is so impersonal that it is so loving and can support so much abundant beautiful life. like the pacific ocean, it is because it is impersonal that it can take so many forms to support so many different things, from warm tropical colourful fish to miserable cold plankton, exactly what life needs, it accommodates.

but yeah, even tho the space is loving in its nature, it couldn't give a shit about all the egoic personal stuff of you. or me, whether you suffer or not, live or die. from the point of view of someone trying to be someone or something, space is a bit scary. from the point of view of someone who has received the View, and knows how to relate to it - it is the pure face of liberation.

space is found in stillness, as mental activity subsides, it is what remains. this is why it's so linked to 'depression' ... as people stop faffing around distracting themselves, they find nothingness at their core.... due to not knowing what this nothingness is, they get scared/de-energised and build a lot of stupid projections about themselves onto the space, thus spiralling themselves into more 'depression'...

the space of non-existence is primarily realised through de-constructing everything that seems solid or real. initially thoughts, but then with the raw sensory system. that's all that is coming for now. entry into space can be scary, it can seem a bit like you/your life is falling apart. look after yourself, don't confuse existential misery (neither good nor bad thing :) ) with ideas about you or your life being f'ed up (inaccurate). dance sing and love.

why we need a view

Why do we need to be told what to do?

What about following our inner intuition?

In 1998 I was in a church hall in Cowley, Oxford in the middle of the most baffling and amazing jam, a weird mix of martial arts, dance and play, led by a big black dude who spoke literally no English. We would spend the first half of the class doing cartwheels, kicks and movement sequences, then make a circle and people would go into the middle and have no idea what to. So they would stand awkwardly opposite each other, move with no rhythm (we were English too, remember), do karate by themselves, breakdance, samba, stand on their heads, do the hokey-kokey, feel confused. It was ridiculous. And the teacher, having no English, could only really do so much to guide the flow. Everyone was brand new. I didn't even know what the class was called, or where this guy was from (I guessed Africa), or what the point was. But I knew it was awesome.

This was pre-YouTube-era Capoeira in England. Everyone knows what capoeira is now, but back then, none of us had ever seen a roda (the circle, the actual game). No concept of what it was supposed to be, look like, how we were supposed to interact. We could not have imagined it from the exercises of doing a few cartwheels and crawling on the floor. We could not have imagined how much grace, power, connection and beauty that could exist in such fluidity between 2 people. We could not have come up that unique cultural blend of playfulness, spirit, sexuality, aggression and love that comes from a good roda. That is the transmission of Capoeira. Yes, those qualities come from inside, from universal human spirit. But, no matter what exercises we did, it would not have been possible to bring them out without having a clear transmission of Capoeira, from someone who lives it.

So now we have a similar situation with Spirituality. We have a bunch of methods which are clear and easy to follow - yoga asanas, vipassana meditation, pranayama, qi-gong. But we don't have a clear idea of where they are supposed to lead. Sure we have words like Enlightenment, but all we have is our own best stab ideas at what it is - which are all based on our own limited ideas about happiness, or peace, or transcendence, or something. In the worst case (sadly most cases), we have misleading ideas from well-meaning but ill-qualified people. Without a clear view to follow, it is unlikely that our practices will transmit the intended wayless-way of being.

As the example I most familiar with, meditation. Pretty much 99% of people doing meditation in the UK, Buddhists, whatever, are working with the framework that you are a person, made of matter, living on the earth, and meditation is something you do with your mind, to overcome suffering, or somehow help others. If you have this View, it is impossible for you to reach the original intended purpose of meditation. Not hard - impossible. It is like if someone had told you to play the piano with only your right elbow, not your hands or fingers, then it is impossible that you will ever play the Rachmaninov Concerto like that. Your journey in one-elbow piano may be a beautiful, developmental creative epic, but it will not be anything close to the classical piano that we all know. People in the modern West do not appreciate this enough.

It is probably true that any practice done a bit is a bit beneficial, whether you know what you're doing or not. And it is true that most people have no interest in the bigger picture, they want less anxiety, better health and to make new friends that aren't as irritating as their old ones. But for those that do want more, who want to actually achieve the aim of the old spiritual practices, we need to know the right view, otherwise we are gonna get stuck at some point.