post on DharmaOverground, 2 years after claiming MCTB 4th path and musings

I am sitting in the car waiting to collect my mother so thought I would write a little for my own amusement and out of a desire to connect with DhO a bit, as I feel not a small amount of fondness and gratitude to Daniel Ingram and DhO.
Finding MCTB 2 years ago marked the start of my spiritual journey proper, that is, the journey of awakening, aka, miserable dismantlement of oneself 
At that time I didn't know if any sort of enlightenment was real at all, hadn't met anyone who was "awake" or anyone who was pursuing enlightenment at all, I had never been to a satsang or met a spiritual teacher, didn't know any "spiritual seekers".
Since then I have had some fun on the spiritual scene rollercoaster, spent quite a lot of time on retreat, met some great people and some very enlightened teachers and learned and unlearned a lot. Met countless very misguided people too which is heartbreaking and also fine and amusing.
Life-wise, the content and direction of my life has totally fallen apart, in a good way. My circumstance were favourable (no kids, no ties, had let go ideas about career already, I am a pleasant, intelligent and hardworking type, so no worries with finding work etc) and so I have been lucky to be able to surrender nicely into the big whatever of Life.
On 4th path
I think one of the good things about this forum/MCTB is the motivation and transmission that the concept of 4th path allows. So yes, I identify with what Daniel calls 4th path. When I claimed it 2 years ago, I see now that was actually late 3rd, and 4th settled in a few months later. It is worth doing, and it is do-able quickly with good practice, good motivation, good conditions, and good surrender!
But aside from that I am now not so keen on the emphasis placed on it in this forum, and certainly I think that the way Dan presents it in MCTB is maybe not that good an idea, in the grander scheme of things. If we are doing models, I align much more with the traditional 4 path fetter model, or the 4 yogas of mahamudra.
after mctb 4th path
practice now is clearly effortless and all I can say is that the system (this bodymind) just reacts with disgust to any out-of-truth behaviour (karmic tendencies). This is any learned behaviour which was formed as a way of avoiding certain feelings, which I now 'automatically' do. The system has a taste for uprooting these things, and just won't let me have them. (I have a technical explanation of the nature of awareness and why this must be so, but it's too boring for now.)
So I can't even say that I have a goal, but I guess from my teacher who has been here, the goal is continual stripping away of all this kind of behaviour, until all action is fluid and original, and not "canned" responses.
the body and energetic system
for me, mctb 4th path meant finally being able to effortlessly rest the mind, all of it, by itself, in What Is, without it constantly splitting in two to watch itself, or doing some other deluded activity. With this, the attention started to settle by itself downwards, into the body, much more and more often. the subtle energy system of the body is having to purify and wake up. So a lot of weird effects in the body and the feeling of being in a body is changing a lot. I have a fascinating model relating to trigger points and kundalini etc about what is happening, but another time.
I believe that the body and subtle energetic system is where all the karmic tendencies (subconscious patterns) hide out. All the enlightened people who I feel have cleared out a lot of their habitual tendencies have emphasised the physical transformation of the body as the actual bulk of the journey, much more than the realisation of non-duality in the mind. One teacher I really rate for this is Igor Kufayev.
This is also another reason why this forum/pragmatic Dharma doesn't interest me much these days, it only really deals with the percecptual side, not the emotional (heart) or energy(sexual energy) system (gut/body).
Surrender and dedication (the heart of post MCTB 4th path practice)
As I see it, MCTB 4th path is the birth of true surrender, as Daniel says, it's obvious that there is no agency. You are officially totally adrift on a sea of karma with no sail, rudder or tiller. Some people, after this insight seem to quickly (a few years) wipe out all their conditioned behaviour, and others basically remain as rigid and opinionated as before.... why?
Resistance plays tricks like, say I know I have some murky karma relating to sex (who doesn't?), and everytime life offers me a chance to straighten it, the body resists it, and thoughts of the nature of "it will happen when it happens, I can't do anything" come up... it can be easy to start to very subtly believe these thoughts, and a block is created.
The offer from Life is to wipe clean your entire belief system, at the deepest subconscious level. And what is takes is just simply agreement, surrender, at each level, and Life will auto-wipe you clean. But there are various subconscious blocks & knots, which don't even manifest as thoughts or worded beliefs, just subtle behaviours which go unchecked. This is why I think it's a good idea important to connect with powerful, very enlightened people who can see these things for you. All it takes is the clear seeing, then your do-nothing will take care of the rest.
As you can't really 'do' much consciously, it seems the best tools to work with are devotion (praying to whatever to be fully erased), a teacher, pushing yourself in Life (situations, relationships, culturally) so that your stability is challenged, and somatic practice (energy work, bodywork, sexual work).

that's all for now, my mother has arrived thanks for taking the time to read this.gratitude to the community, and especially those who guided me and are still in my life now.
any questions /quibbles welcome

Dan Ingram on non-duality

Excellent writing about how the illusion of self creates 2 different modes, e.g. Rigpa VS distraction, enlightened mode vs deluded mode. Dan Ingram can really write well on non-duality. From Dharma Overground.

At some point there will no longer really be either option, as the thing will just be the thing, the field as the field of sensations, of manifestation, of qualities, textures, colors, and aspects

call it True Self
call it no-self regardless, it is happening, as it always has
and there are various modes of attention, as there always have been

and various modes of perception arising and vanishing, which may highlight various qualities over others, it seems

and there is nobody to decide that this full, rich, transient, direct, interdependent, causal field is either

but thoughts that it might be one or the other can still arise, as they did before

and in that direct perception, the divisionlessness of it eliminates the subtle sense of some thing that is choosing modes

though the sense of those apparent choices and decisions arising on their own may still occur

and this lack of a split, this lack of an illusion of some separate, permanent, continuous something that could truly stand outside of all of this and make such choices is seen through as part of the whole of the flickering, shimmering, transient thing

so look carefully at the patterns that seem to be deciding between those various modes and notice them and just get to know them, such that what is getting to know them and them are both clearly comprehended on their own, by themselves, aware/manifest where they are

and all modes will come to be clearer about having that same quality of directness, of where-they-are-ness, in a way that eliminates finally the sense that any of those specific modes is the one true ultimate mode, but all modes are truly the thing itself, as the qualities of fundamental perceptual truth are universal and apply to all states and qualities and modes of perception and attention without exception

spend time enjoying the nice ones if you wish, as all modes of attention reveal the universal truths if perceived clearly, so if the nice modes happen, perceive them clearly, and if the modes you don't like as much happen, perceive them clearly, though it is true that the most pleasant and unpleasant ones as well as the least interesting ones are not as easy for some to just see as they are, as our reactions of enjoyment, aversion and boredom may seem to cloud clear perception

but with clear comprehension from good practice, the fundamental truths reveal themselves, and a fluent clarity and facility in all states of manifestation becomes natural and habituated

such that apparent exceptions and finally the sense of fundamental options become finer and more subtle and may eventually vanish

.......

The common way of looking at this is as you said, that there are zillions of sensations but we can only comprehend a limited number of them.

Except that perspective actually misses a really essential point that is strangely obvious once you think about it and yet also quite slippery, given how we are so used to not seeing things this say, or so we think.

That point is that each sensation already knew itself when it arose. If it arose, then the comprehension was build into it, intrinsic to it, the same as it.

We have this notion that there is some central comprehender, some liner processor of all of that stuff out there, and yet all of the stuff out there already processed itself it as it arose, as that arising was the processing, and what the seeming central processor does is to make some additional secondary impression (that is also just more sensations that are aware where they are and of themselves), but we actually believe that this secondary impression, this echo, this stand-in, is actually the awareness, the comprehension, when it is actually just a secondary effect from the first cause, that being the first sensation that the second sensation follows.

Said another way:

All of the sensations know themselves as and when and where they are, always have, always will, couldn't be any other way. Awareness and phenomena just always are not n a 1:1 ratio, they are actually just the same thing.

When reality seems filtered through this odd secondary central processing habit, it appears that some middleman, some potentially overburdened one-at-a-time system, is perceiving them, when actually it is just making poor copies one at a time of something that is vast and rich and already comprehended itself and never really actually needed any poor copies made to already be known.

So, just let the field in all of its richness speak for itself, including the small, central, limited copying process, and, seen thusly, the knot of perception that doesn't realize that the things already happened and already knew themselves will eventually and perhaps in stages shift to the whole thing knowing itself directly, as it actually always has but just somehow failed to know that at the level that makes the difference.

I, for one, see no reason not to enjoy the state you are able to get into, as, done well, most such things get boring after a time, no matter how amazing, and eventually familiarity with it will, if you are lucky and when the thrill and novelty wear off, lead to better and more clear senate comprehension, which is the first basis of insight.

Dukkha is a power hog only because it fails to realize that the work was already done, that phenomena already knew themselves naturally, and so it is when that overcompensation stops that the whole thing fully knows that it shines on its own without having to do anything.

....

I am actually talking about something much more fundamental than the way you seem to read me, as I interpret your words.

It can be hardwired, become the way all sensate phenomena are perceived, which is to say perceive themselves, as it actually always was the way all phenomena were manifesting, but this can finally be known directly and automatically without exception and regardless of things like states, modes, chakras, insight stages, and all of that, as, being the way things are, is intrinsic to however the specifics manifest in all their rich occurrence.