Finding MCTB 2 years ago marked the start of my spiritual journey proper, that is, the journey of awakening, aka, miserable dismantlement of oneself
At that time I didn't know if any sort of enlightenment was real at all, hadn't met anyone who was "awake" or anyone who was pursuing enlightenment at all, I had never been to a satsang or met a spiritual teacher, didn't know any "spiritual seekers".
Since then I have had some fun on the spiritual scene rollercoaster, spent quite a lot of time on retreat, met some great people and some very enlightened teachers and learned and unlearned a lot. Met countless very misguided people too which is heartbreaking and also fine and amusing.
Life-wise, the content and direction of my life has totally fallen apart, in a good way. My circumstance were favourable (no kids, no ties, had let go ideas about career already, I am a pleasant, intelligent and hardworking type, so no worries with finding work etc) and so I have been lucky to be able to surrender nicely into the big whatever of Life.
On 4th path
I think one of the good things about this forum/MCTB is the motivation and transmission that the concept of 4th path allows. So yes, I identify with what Daniel calls 4th path. When I claimed it 2 years ago, I see now that was actually late 3rd, and 4th settled in a few months later. It is worth doing, and it is do-able quickly with good practice, good motivation, good conditions, and good surrender!
But aside from that I am now not so keen on the emphasis placed on it in this forum, and certainly I think that the way Dan presents it in MCTB is maybe not that good an idea, in the grander scheme of things. If we are doing models, I align much more with the traditional 4 path fetter model, or the 4 yogas of mahamudra.
after mctb 4th path
practice now is clearly effortless and all I can say is that the system (this bodymind) just reacts with disgust to any out-of-truth behaviour (karmic tendencies). This is any learned behaviour which was formed as a way of avoiding certain feelings, which I now 'automatically' do. The system has a taste for uprooting these things, and just won't let me have them. (I have a technical explanation of the nature of awareness and why this must be so, but it's too boring for now.)
So I can't even say that I have a goal, but I guess from my teacher who has been here, the goal is continual stripping away of all this kind of behaviour, until all action is fluid and original, and not "canned" responses.
the body and energetic system
for me, mctb 4th path meant finally being able to effortlessly rest the mind, all of it, by itself, in What Is, without it constantly splitting in two to watch itself, or doing some other deluded activity. With this, the attention started to settle by itself downwards, into the body, much more and more often. the subtle energy system of the body is having to purify and wake up. So a lot of weird effects in the body and the feeling of being in a body is changing a lot. I have a fascinating model relating to trigger points and kundalini etc about what is happening, but another time.
I believe that the body and subtle energetic system is where all the karmic tendencies (subconscious patterns) hide out. All the enlightened people who I feel have cleared out a lot of their habitual tendencies have emphasised the physical transformation of the body as the actual bulk of the journey, much more than the realisation of non-duality in the mind. One teacher I really rate for this is Igor Kufayev.
This is also another reason why this forum/pragmatic Dharma doesn't interest me much these days, it only really deals with the percecptual side, not the emotional (heart) or energy(sexual energy) system (gut/body).
Surrender and dedication (the heart of post MCTB 4th path practice)
As I see it, MCTB 4th path is the birth of true surrender, as Daniel says, it's obvious that there is no agency. You are officially totally adrift on a sea of karma with no sail, rudder or tiller. Some people, after this insight seem to quickly (a few years) wipe out all their conditioned behaviour, and others basically remain as rigid and opinionated as before.... why?
Resistance plays tricks like, say I know I have some murky karma relating to sex (who doesn't?), and everytime life offers me a chance to straighten it, the body resists it, and thoughts of the nature of "it will happen when it happens, I can't do anything" come up... it can be easy to start to very subtly believe these thoughts, and a block is created.
The offer from Life is to wipe clean your entire belief system, at the deepest subconscious level. And what is takes is just simply agreement, surrender, at each level, and Life will auto-wipe you clean. But there are various subconscious blocks & knots, which don't even manifest as thoughts or worded beliefs, just subtle behaviours which go unchecked. This is why I think it's a good idea important to connect with powerful, very enlightened people who can see these things for you. All it takes is the clear seeing, then your do-nothing will take care of the rest.
As you can't really 'do' much consciously, it seems the best tools to work with are devotion (praying to whatever to be fully erased), a teacher, pushing yourself in Life (situations, relationships, culturally) so that your stability is challenged, and somatic practice (energy work, bodywork, sexual work).
that's all for now, my mother has arrived
thanks for taking the time to read this.gratitude to the community, and especially those who guided me and are still in my life now.any questions /quibbles welcome
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